Pornography:  The Beast That Grows

 By Pastor Rick Apperson

     It started out innocent enough.  My first exposure to pornography was when I was around 10 years old.  My siblings and I found a magazine in an alley by our house and I looked through it rapidly before taking it to my parents to dispose of.   

     A few years later I became a Christian.  My past was all behind me.  I was ready to embark on a new beginning... 

     I became a Christian at the same time I hit my teenage years.  I understand now the verses in the Bible (Rom. 7:15; 19) where Paul describes a conflict in his actions and desires.  As a teenager it seemed that my desire to listen to my hormones was as strong as my desire for the Lord.   

     I never thought much about purity as a teenager.  Sure I knew sex outside of marriage was wrong and I was committed to being a virgin until I was married but I never thought much about remaining pure in any other way.  Girls were desirable to me and having a girlfriend was a major focus in my life.

     Then one day in my early 20’s I met the girl who became my future wife.  I thought my life was perfect.  One day we discovered that my wife was pregnant.  We were overjoyed.  While living in Canada during the last 3 months of my wife’s pregnancy, I became addicted to pornography.  The magazines were not wrapped and they were in all of the stores readily available to look at. 

   Pornography is like a beast.  However it doesn’t necessarily look like that at first.  It is more like the old 80’s movie Gremlins.    Just as in the movie the little creature looks so cute and innocent at first, many people don’t think anything is wrong with a quick peek down a pretty woman’s blouse as she leans over to wait on your table or to pick something up from a lower shelf at the store.  Most people won’t blink during a movie that shows couples kissing and then suggesting they are having sex in bed.  If it shows a little back or shoulder it’s ok as long as nothing else is shown. 

     We lie to ourselves and justify the actions of Hollywood.  For me, watching a movie like that was no problem.  Then as my standards lowered and my arousal went up I would justify a glimpse of a breast because every movie showed it and there was no escaping it.  I was mature and could handle it.  I did not know how I was cheating my wife and family by trying to fill my desires outside of the bounds of marriage.   

      Before long the glimpse of a breast was totally ok and even a shot of full nudity was not enough to offend me.  I hid my problem for years…it was growing and my standards continued to be lowered.  What started as a “taste of pleasure” became bitter waters that soon moved over my head.  I was drowning in my sin and no one but God knew…..

      ...God knew and at times I did not care….I was hardening my heart….I would feel guilty, pray and ask forgiveness, but never tried to get His help to stop.  I tried to justify my sin, make excuses, and tell myself God would forgive.  I tried to manipulate God.  If He wanted me to stop He would have to do more to remove the temptation.  My thoughts and beliefs were becoming twisted as I embraced this growing beast.

     As I stated earlier pornography is a beast.  It grows and grows until it consumes you.  If not stopped, it will destroy your life, marriage, your whole world. 

     One day, as my life was hitting rock bottom spiritually, physically and emotionally, Christ revealed Himself to me in a real way.  He showed me the error of my ways and how I was destroying my life.  Over the coming months He began to convict me of my sins and show me where I needed His cleansing blood of forgiveness.  He also began to show me how to gain victory in the area of pornography.  By walking through the Bible and also having a friend share with me about how my identity is in Christ, I was able to begin a path towards freedom.  I also found some awesome memory verses and can say that today…Christ has given me a victory in my life.  My desire for this sin is gone…my thoughts and actions are continuously being purified. 

     One of the best gifts has been the reemergence of my love for my wife.  It had been dulled as I progressed into this sin.  Now our marriage is better than ever and I am truly more in love with my wife than ever.  She was able to forgive me and we rejoice now at how the Lord has strengthened our hearts together with Him and each other.

     The beast can be stopped….if we let Christ live in us and through us.  If we truly surrender all to Him and let Him lead our every step.  He truly gives  us a new heart.