Finding Joy Through Brokenness

By Rev. Rick Apperson

A Prayer For Brokenness

     As my wife, daughter and I were preparing to leave the mission field after a season of service in Croatia, one of our staff members came over to pray for us. 

     She prayed that we would know what it was to be truly broken.  My wife and I both internally balked at the idea.   Was she praying for us to be in misery?  What kind of a friend would pray that kind of a prayer?

     Looking back now, I realize she was, and still is, one of the best friends we’ve ever had.  She truly cared for us and our relationship with Jesus Christ.  She understood what it took to have a life that God could fully use for His glory— a life completely yielded to Him.

     “..the stone the builders rejected has become the cornerstone.  Everyone who falls on that stone will be broken to pieces, but he on whom it falls will be crushed.”  Luke 20:18-19

    I Surrender

     I dealt with the issue of surrender after I had been a believer for about 10 years.  I gave up areas of my life I had not yet given God control over.  I asked God to accomplish His will in my life, but I did not know what that would entail.         

Answered Prayer

     The Lord answered that prayer of surrender.  It took me a long time to realize though, that He had answered it because I did not necessarily like the answer I received.

     Once I had yielded my life to the Lord, it seemed like all Hell broke loose.  I was in the midst of a battle of epic proportions, in which my circumstances were dictating to me, and I had no control of what was going on in my life. 

     During this point we had to leave the mission field because we were refused long-stay visas; my Dad had a heart attack; we had a new baby, then lost the large majority of our financial support when we returned to the mission field; my wife was ill and I was concerned for her. Things began to pile up on me emotionally.  Physically I was wearing myself out trying to accomplish everything I could in service to the Lord. 

     Then, as we prepared to leave Croatia in response to a new direction God was leading us, our friend prayed brokenness.  I was struggling to hold in my anger. 

     Upon our return to North America I went through 4 jobs in 8 months.  I was dissatisfied with work and life.  I felt like I could not take anymore.  I did not know at the time that I was just beginning to realize the “secret” to the abundant life.

     As my life began to get harder and bills began to pile up, I was reacting in anger more and more to the situations that felt like they were spiraling out of control.  Was there any way out?  Numerous options ran through my mind and I felt like I was close to having a physical collapse or emotional/mental breakdown.  God knew I was at my limit.  I could not handle anymore.

Still A Little More

     I felt like I was at the end of my rope.  I still maintained my “Christian walk;” went to church, read my Bible, etc., but I had no joy.  Then it happened.  I came to a point of complete crisis where everything: work; life; home and financial burdens seemed to cumulate at once.

  I Can’t Take Anymore

     I finally reached the point where I could not go on.  Through many tears I told God that I had had enough, that I couldn’t take it or handle it anymore.  I realized that I needed His strength, and that He could do what I could not do for myself.  I then began to feel His peace slowly enter into my heart.  Over the following weeks He continued a work in my heart.  My perspective began to change and my circumstances became easier to bear, as Christ carried the burdens for me.   

What Is Brokenness?

     Brokenness can be summed up in the phrase “coming to the end of yourself.”  However, what does that really mean?  Let’s go deeper. 

     One definition of broken in the Greek is ‘Sunthlao’, which means to shatter/crush.  That is a very good description of what it means to be broken. 

     Brokenness can be defined as the shattering of your old way of doing things.  The shattering of your old thoughts, actions and patterns for handling life’s circumstances.  When something is shattered it is gone.  Done with.

     It is the same way with spiritual brokenness. 

     When one surrenders his will/life to God, he may be shocked that God holds him to it.  Surrendering the will must involve laying down one’s rights.  However, as hard as that is, it is nothing compared to brokenness.  He wants to use us for His glory but He will not force Himself on us.  However when we desire to go deeper with Him and give Him our lives in full surrender He will take us at our word. 

     He begins to allow things into our life that will cause us to come to the point when we cannot take anymore.  This can take months or years depending on how much we fight Him.  We do fight, not realizing that He allows things to happen so we will seek Him!   We delay His work or allow others to do so by trying to get out of these situations ourselves.  They may be temporarily reprieved but means the next thing is usually tougher.  He wants us to quit fighting. 

     When we finally reach that breaking point it hurts so bad.  However, it is at that moment that the victory can be won.  It is at this point joy can enter in.  When we finally reach our lowest point and the world seems like it is falling in on us, that is when the healing can begin.  How?  Through Surrender!  Wait, No, I did that!  True, but this is a different type of surrender. It is finally giving up and telling the Lord we realize we have tried to live life in our own strength.  It is coming to a full realization of Galatians 2:20 which says, “I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.  The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, loved me and gave Himself for me.”

     When we are broken, truly broken, we realize that we can not do it ourselves and only Christ can.  We ask Him to do it in His strength.  This means allowing Him to accomplish His will in our life. 

The Joy Of Brokenness

     When we let go of our control it does not mean we will not have struggles.  It means He can handle it and therefore we can experience His peace that passes all understanding.  When Peter kept His focus on Jesus he WAS walking on the water.  The wind and rain were still there but his focus was on Jesus.  It was when he looked at the circumstances he began to sink.  When we are broken for Christ, if we keep our eyes on Him we can forget the circumstances.  He can handle it.  And through it all we can have His joy.  If we allow ourselves to be broken we can be mended and used for His Glory!