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The
Testimony of Ron Browning
Born Gay or
Not? / A Great Exchange!
The Fall Season of 2011
Seventeen years ago I was
a liar, a professional thief, and a gay man. But PRAISE God! on October 31st(yes that would be Halloween) – on October 31, 1994 Jesus captured me with His
grace and set me free! Today, I am a new Creation in Christ Jesus my
Lord, Who is my LIFE!
Liar to truth-teller, thief
to a man of integrity, and sexually immoral to a life of purity, a life
transformed faithful! The exchange was
like the brilliance of daylight from the horrors of the darkest night. Before
getting saved it seemed that I could get away with almost anything. As long as I kept moving, I could keep the
consequences of my sin and crimes haunting but never realized. But getting saved removed that bogus safety
net. And over the following 8 years God
used the courts and our legal system to teach me how to tell the truth. Fraudulent crime (stealing) faded into a
distant memory; however, the lie of homosexuality was a more difficult giant to
battle.
Born
Gay thoughts and feelings
riveted my heart from as early as the ages of five and six. I was never sexually molested or abused. As a boy, I just could not control or change
my affections and attractions for those of my own gender. The Gay Agenda proclaims that anything but a full
acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle and its behavior is to be considered hate,
in other words –rejection! I can
understand this, because for many years, I felt the same way. Today's culture claims that homosexuality is more
that an alternative lifestyle. Rather, it
is a morally good, with no more consequence than heterosexual behaviors. The lying propaganda that spins scientific
facts into –homosexuals are born that way and it's all in the genes— has thrown
up a global community either practicing or approving of those who practice such
wickedness (Romans 1:32 –vs. 25-32).
My question today is, ‘What
really matters –born or reborn? When
mankind fell into sin (The Genesis Story of
Creation and the Fall), he destroyed all of himself, by that one choice to usurp
his dependence on God. Spiritually – man
died and is dead-in-sin. Soulically – his
thoughts, choices, and feelings were darkened by evil, as death encompassed all
of Creation. Physically –man’s
senses, chemistry, and genetics became sinful from conception and birth forward
throughout all of life. Man is a sinful creature,
through and through, inside and out, upon entrance into this world.
Wouldn’t any rationalization
of this truth be an attempt to justify our sinful behavior of pagan worship and
perversion? Homosexuality is but one idolatrous lifestyle. It is true: all men are born in sin and worship
created things. From this point of reference, the homosexual is born a homosexual. He/she worships sexual objects, controlled by
their passions; just like the liar is born a liar, the murderer a murderer, the
thief a thief, the disobedient child a disobedient child, etc...
It is trustworthy to conclude
that –
Satan has
twisted God's truth into lies.
(Romans 1:18-32, specifically v. 24 and 25)
And it is man’s
fault! He has been blindsided and
believed a LIE? I did! I
believed a LIE! As a young boy, I believed the ‘gnawing(s)’in my mind –
‘boys are
more interesting than girls’.
During these early years, I
began to live as a homosexual offender seeking out and manipulating other boys
for my own interests and pleasures. A
selfish life, learned early on. As a
teen and a young adult, my pursuit for male attention through sex, was my only
sense of acceptance, though temporary at best. In believing this lie, I
received the consequences of a broken heart and an empty life of betrayal and
failure.
The Gay Life
For almost twenty years I
practiced homosexual behavior. But from
1992-1994, I lived openly as a ‘gay man’', supporting myself in fraudulent theft. I was on the run, as a fugitive from justice;
followed by four and half years of incarceration, over the course of a decade, across five states. But there came a time I could not continue to
live a life of betrayal and crime.
The
paranoia and fear, the stress, was paralyzing!
The Lord used these
emotional tensions to crowd me to the Cross of His Son, Jesus…
In 1994, I was involved in
a gay relationship that presented life-long opportunities (at least, in the recesses of my sinfully delusional mind). He was an agnostic and involved politically
with the gay agenda (or wanted to be). It was this man, along with a few others,
God used to confront me with Joshua 24:15 –
‘...choose
you this day whom you will serve...’
This man conditioned our
relationship by requiring me to choose between being a Christian and being gay. He believed me to be guilt-ridden,
unable to live a productive life, and causing my closest friends much distress and
misery— being so double-minded. He was
right! God had drawn the line. I knew how disobedient I'd lived. I also knew I could NOT deny what little faith
I still had in Jesus Christ. That fall
of 1994, I chose to surrender myself to the Lord; but now in repentance and saving
faith –for a real
salvation! (Romans 10:9, 13)
Set Free
As I drove away from that drowning
darkness, I recognized that I could never go back to homosexuality or crime. God
would not allow it! At the same time, I
realized I could not stop such sinning. My
desires were same-sexed. I lied before I
was even aware of the thought. I stole because
there seem to be nothing else for me to do that would obtain the kind of money
and influence, and achieve the type of life, I felt I deserved. People, places, and things were just a game
of chess for me; a playground I strived to control as means of personal gain.
That day, something was
different; and over the days that followed, I vowed to God to remain sexually
pure, and to be celibate, even if my homosexual desires never changed. But very quickly and with a loud fiery tension,
Holy Spirit showed me how shallow my vows really were. He showed me almost two decades of trying to
change, but of complete failure. The evidence
was clear, I would fail again. Driving
away, I cried out to God with a broken heart –
‘I can't do it!’
And that swelling deep
inside that I've come to recognize as God's voice, crescendo(ed) in thunder-
‘Ron, I can do it for you!’
As I chose to believe God,
He began to heal the brokenness of my heart and to fill the empty void of my
life with the attitude and behavior of Holy Spirit. The Lord not only set me free from homosexual
behavior, but from it's very deception. That was the difference –I wanted to tell the
truth! He changed how I think. He took a dirty, ugly, immoral life and made
me clean! He set me FREE!
He whom the
Son sets free is free indeed'!
My journey from the gay
life began October 31, 1994, the moment I asked Jesus into my life. Behavioral freedom
came immediately; but still, I thought and felt like a gay man. It was not until 2001 that I recognized the
Lord changing, not only my choice of behavior, but my very thoughts and
feelings as well. My prayer for over a
decade, and David’s declaration from Psalm 23 – ‘The Lord… restores my soul’— became
my daily experience. Over time living a
surrendered life, God reprogrammed my ‘thinker’,
‘chooser’, and ‘feeler’.
Freedom in Christ is a
miracle of grace and truth. One discovers,
experiences, and secures Jesus’ LIFE in exchange of their own ‘self-life’. It is about overcoming the lies in exchange
for God’s truth! It is about Jesus
living in and through me, even –instead of me. It is about Jesus empowering me
with His LIFE. It is about my
experience of knowing Jesus as my Source for living right. It is about Holy
Spirit teaching me how to apply the truths of God’s Word, written on the very
core of my new heart –‘I will give you a new heart’ —says Sovereign Lord. (Ezekiel 36:25-28 NLT)
A new heart,a new LIFE, a new identity! 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 records one of the most powerful
truths about identity that set this captive free. A Believer, once captured by the sin of
homosexuality (really, any sin) is no longer identified by their sinful
behavior(s). The
filth of my sin is washed away forever, by the blood of Jesus and I got a new
identity. 2 Corinthians 5:17-21 teaches
me that as a Follower of Jesus, I am no longer a ‘gay man’. This reality being true from the very moment I
received Christ Jesus as my Lord, in saving faith. From that moment, Jesus became my LIFE! …and
I became a ‘new creation’ in Him. My
‘feeler’ just needed to catch up with what God had to say about me. As a new creation, I possess the right living
of Jesus inside my new heart. His righteous
perfection lives in me! Hallelujah!!!
The Romans 6 Equation
The Romans 6 Equation
became my starting place each day, as I asked the Lord how to exchange all the lies
I once held dear, for God’s Truth. I
began each morning knowing that I am dead to sin (dead to the sin of homosexual behaviors, gay thoughts and feelings…);
dead to sin and alive in Jesus living His righteous LIFE in and through me. Right living, instead of being under the slavery
of a false god named ‘gay sex’, porn, etc.
As I began to know and
absorb the truth, I reckoned the truth as mine, trusting that I was no longer a
gay man. As I took possession of that
truth (reckoning), I was empowered to yield all my ins and outs to Holy Spirit and allow Jesus’ LIFE to express Himself
in and through me. Jesus began to use all
my parts for His pleasure and praise – and to my benefit! Being surrendered, I was then empowered to
walk in obedience to God’s Truth, free of homosexuality. Over time, I became free of gay thought and
feelings completely.
Contrary to popular
opinion, my sexual orientation and attractions changed. I was no longer desirous that men would come
to know me for my sexual pleasure. But that they would encounter Jesus! And come to intimately know and experience
Him, and be another captive set free.
‘He
whom the Son sets free, is free indeed!’
During the years I spent
in prison, the Lord birthed a dream from Ezekiel 36:26 deep within me. That dream exploded into the ministry of NewHeart
Expressions (NHE). NHE became one of the
many Exchanged Life ministries around the country; a discipleship platform
providing struggling Believers with grace strategies for ‘doing life’. NHE is about
setting captives free from life shattering addictions and identities, in the name
and for the glory of Jesus Christ!
On January 17, 2009 I
married one Susan ‘Hope’ Day, who also
hoped for a better day from the Lord. She’s
God’s grace toward me that ‘never
disappoints’. I am truly thankful
for how the Lord continually demonstrates His love toward me. From dead-in-sin to LIFE in Jesus, on into His Presence, Grace and Truth, and Hope! It was in Jesus’ death
on a cross there at Golgotha’s
hillside, applied to my ‘living-dead-in-sin-existence’
that I was set free to live from Jesus’ LIFE!
What an EXCHANGE!
Grace-N-Life!
Ron
If the death of His
Son restored our relationship with God while we were still His enemies,
we are even more
certain that, because of this restored relationship, the LIFE (of) his Son lived(s) will save us.
(Romans 5:10 –GW –
emphasis mine)
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