Hello, my name is Ron Browning.

During my childhood, I made several professions of faith in Jesus Christ, afterward being baptized. But I was constantly guilt-ridden and in doubt of my salvation. This continued even into my adult life. I had learned an easy but selfish salvation: "Once saved, always saved"... live any way you please. I had been taught a basic truth: to accept Jesus Christ as my personal Savior. And the foundation of this belief was correct: Through placing trust in Jesus Christ and His atoning work on the cross one might receive the forgiveness of sin. Oh how I longed for mercy and forgiveness! But my salvation was an illusion because it made no change in how I lived. As so many, I believed God to be the Creator and Jesus Christ to be the Savior. I wanted all the good things He had to offer. My heart thrilled for His mercy and forgiveness, for everlasting life and Heaven, for appeasement from my guilt. But when Jesus ascended the throne to declare Himself Lord, my heart cringed and I rebelled in devastating disobedience. Over several years I grew to be a liar and a thief and by age 14 I believed I was gay; though I hid this reality, my sexual desires were same-sexed. The sin of homosexual offense began to envelop my life.

In my preteen, teenage, and young adult years, I "felt" and professed a call of God into ministry, i.e., a misunderstood call unto repentance. I measured my success by how much attention I received from performance and by how busy I could be, instead of by the salvation of souls and the sanctification of saints. Fortunately, God used my own lack of self-discipline to keep me from an ordained ministry and profession. However, the ministry I did work in for almost a decade left the Body of Christ scarred and painfully wounded by my sins. Oh the awfulness and the terribleness of sin! John Angell James remarks, "When a (minister) has stood in the way of sinners, he should never again open his lips in the great congregation until his repentance is as notorious as his sin."

I destroyed my first marriage by lying, stealing, and through the sexual exploitation of others. The betrayal of trust left in the wake of my many sins has been detestable violating God's goodness, offending His holiness, and hurting His people. So many lives offended by hypocrisy, turning from the Church and God. May the Lord Jesus, my Savior, grant me the opportunity to amend for such wrong and may He make things right! Oh praise be to the Lamb of God, Jesus, who was slain for the remission of sins!!!

Learning Homosexuality

Today's society claims that homosexuality is an alternative lifestyle; that homosexuals are born that way; it's all in the genes. Yet, this is only man's attempt to justify his learned behavior of pagan worship and perversion. Not to mention that all men are born into their sin. Satan has twisted the truth and man has believed a LIE! I did!! I believed a LIE!!!

As a young boy, I believed the "whispers" in my mind: "boys are more interesting than girls." During these years, maybe as early as six years of age I began to live as a homosexual offender seeking out and manipulating other boys for my own interests and pleasures. As a teen and an adult my pursuit of male attention through sex was my only sense of acceptance, though temporary at best. For outside the boundaries of the husband/wife relationship, sex only produces brokenness and an emptiness that consumes the very life out of one's heart. In believing the lie, I received the consequences of a broken heart and an empty life of betrayal and failure.

How did I come to believe such a lie? How did I learn homosexuality? The combinations of the following elements lead me down a road of deception and ruin.

1. Explicit knowledge of sex and sexual exploration at the early ages of five to nine.

2. The intense ridicule and rejection by same-sexed peers, i.e., peer labeling beginning about the third and fourth grades because I was "different".

3. The rejection I felt from my Dad, stemming from unrealistic expectations I placed on him as a teen, maybe even as a preteen.

4. And a twisted perception of masculinity and true manhood.

However, there is a bottom line to sin. Satan may use the circumstances of life to twist our thinking and deceive us. But the ultimate responsibility cannot be shifted. We sin because we are tempted and enticed by the evil desires that fill our hearts. Sinful behavior is learned. But its source is the heart which is, "deceitful and above all things wicked." And when one lives in deception, life becomes one lie after another. I became a liar. And as one greed (homosexuality) will lead to another, I became a thief. The result? A destroyed life.

From 1992-1994, I lived as an open, practicing homosexual. I traveled, supporting myself in fraudulent theft. I spent time in jail and was on the run as a fugitive from justice. But there came a time I could not continue to live a life of betrayal and crime. The paranoia and fear, the stress was paralyzing.

At the time, I was involved in a gay relationship that presented life-long opportunities. He was an atheist and involved politically with the gay agenda. It was this man God used to confront me with Joshua 24:15, "...choose you this day whom you will serve..." This man conditioned our relationship by requiring me to choose between being a Christian or being gay. He believed me to be guilt-ridden, unable to live a productive life, being double-minded. He was right. God had drawn the line. I knew how disobedient I'd lived. But I also knew I could NOT deny my faith in Jesus Christ. I chose to serve the Lord! But now in repentance and faith!! Surrendering to the Lordship of Jesus Christ!!!

Set Free

As I drove away from that place I recognized that I could never go back to homosexuality or crime. God would not allow it. At the same time, I realized I could not stop sinning. My desires were same-sexed. I vowed to God to remain sexually pure, to be celibate even if my homosexual desires never changed. But the Holy Spirit showed me how shallow my vows really were. He showed me almost two decades of trying to change, but of complete failure. The evidence was clear I would fail once again.

I cried out to God with a broken heart, "I can't do it!" And that swelling within my heart, which I've come to recognize as God's voice, crescendoed in thunder- "Ron, I'll do it for you!"

That day I chose to believe God. And He began to heal the brokenness of my heart and to fill the empty void of my life with the attitude and behavior of the Holy Spirit we read about in Galatians 5:22-25. The Lord not only set me free from homosexual behavior, but from it's very deception. He changed how I think. He took a dirty, ugly, immoral life and made me clean! He set me FREE!! "He whom the Son sets free is free indeed!!!"

But we must always remember to guard that freedom. For Satan will entice and tempt and in moments of weakness we can fall and find our freedom lost. I believe in the eternal security of the Christian. But the Scriptures do not teach an easy salvation. The Scriptures teach, "once saved, always persevering!!" The Lord Jesus Christ is not just Lord over death and the grave, or just Satan and hell, BUT LORD OVER ME AND MY SIN!!!

Since homosexuality is a learned behavior it can be unlearned by learning the TRUTH in and through the transforming power of Jesus Christ and His Spirit. "Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. BUT you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God!" (I Corinthians 6:9-11)

Randy Alcorn wrote: "This is a matter of transformed identity in Christ. We are no longer who we used to be. 'Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!' (II Corinthians 5:17). I am Christ's bride, clothed in 'fine linen, bright and clean' (Revelation 19:7-8). Clean..."

How can this be? We must be willing to embrace the TRUTH! "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (John 8:32) Romans 1:24-27 teaches us that homosexuality is a lie, pagan worship, and a perversion with destructive consequences. A lie? How can my sexual desires be a lie? They are so very real! But one must make a choice to believe what God has to say or not. Once we have embraced these facts of the Scriptures (which is not easy), the next logical question is: what is the truth?

1. God designed sex!

2. God created man and woman as sexual beings with sexual desire and considers this "very good!!"

3. Sex between a man and a woman who are husband and wife is BEAUTIFUL!

4. Sex is protected by marriage!

5. Sex within the marriage relationship is intended for pleasure!

6. Sexual desire is not to be stirred outside the boundaries of marriage!

7. Sexual intimacy between a man and a woman who are husband and wife is the perfect picture of the spiritual intimacy God desires to have with each of his children!

(As excited as I am about sex, that's how excited God wants me to be about getting to know Him!!)

These principles are based on the following limited list of Scriptures; there are many more: Genesis 2; Genesis 2:23-25; Genesis 4:1; Proverbs 5:15-23; The Song of Solomon; Daniel 11:32; Malachi 2:15,16; Ephesians 5:22-33; and Hebrews 13:4. To my delight Randy Alcorn's book, "Restoring Sexual Sanity," presents these truths so very clearly!!! I recommend Mr. Alcorn's book as well as Steve Gallagher's book "At the Altar of Sexual Idolatry" for anyone struggling with sexual addiction and sin.

Guarding the Heart

Many years ago Steve Green recorded a song entitled: "Guard Your Heart." He began this beautiful truth with an old children's song. "Oh, be careful little eyes what you see. Oh, be careful little eyes what you see. For the Father up above is looking down in love. Oh, be careful little eyes what you see." The message is so clear: GUARD YOUR HEART!

The Word of God reads: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Put away perversity... let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you. Make level paths for your feet and take only ways that are firm. Do not swerve to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil." (Proverbs 4:23-27) Oh, how we must learn to guard our hearts, to guard the freedom God has graciously given us lest we fall!

It came as a shock… to my family and friends. Our family business and ministry, Music with Heart, was growing and expanding. We were developing the talents of children and youth by equipping them to express their faith in Jesus Christ through the arts! Our influences encouraged and built a biblical sense of worth within our students and instilled biblical goals, values, and expectations within their hearts. But then, a fifteen-year-old boy, struggling with homosexuality, sought counsel from me in strictest confidence, and six months later accused me of sexual misconduct. I was arrested April 19, 1998; convicted by a plea agreement, and sentenced to 18 months in the Arizona Department of Corrections Prison, to be followed by three years of probation. These convictions violated my probation in the State of Tennessee on two charges of theft. At the completion of my Arizona prison term I was brought back to the Sevier County jail to await release from the Tennessee Board of Parole. I was released November 3, 2000 to the State of Mississippi on charges of theft from 1994. As of February 15, 2001 Mississippi has resolved all pending issues. I received "time-served" and my Lord Jesus has paid all my restitution and fees. God performed a miracle!! He turned a possible nine-year prison sentence into three and a half months.

Praise the Lord!!! My Arizona, Mississippi, and Tennessee sentences have now expired, my "time" completed and one Arizona felony for sexual misconduct has been reduced to a misdemeanor. The Lord has also resolved all fugitive warrants in the states of Oklahoma and Texas. Texas and Oklahoma have been paid in full and all obligations met. Now after many years I am home with my family!!! Praise the Lord!!! Ginger and I are now living in the Great Smoky Mountains.

In prison I have faced many fears. But I have learned that I have real faith! Not one man has laid his hands on me. God Is My DEFENDER!! And He has taught me: "The just shall live by FAITH!!!"

Concerning the allegations of sexual misconduct I will make the following statement. I should never have allowed myself an erotic and emotional bond with this boy. The Word is clear that when we lust within our hearts we have already fallen short and sinned, being unfaithful to my God and wife. Whether one chooses to believe in my innocence or guilt is irrelevant because I have been guilty of such homosexual offense and practices since I was a young boy. But what is relevant is that this 15-year-old boy has proven to me just how vulnerable and easy it is to fall when I do not guard my heart. Though in thought and intent I am repulsed by homosexuality my body still remembers its pleasures. Only when we guard ourselves with TRUTH and ACCOUNTABILITY will we find God's TRANSFORMING POWER to be a reality, rather than an illusion.

"...And the truth will set you free..." is more than just knowledge. It is embracing the TRUTH in the power of God through repentance and faith. It is a real salvation! Not an illusion of salvation. It is a change in how we think, feel, and choose to behave!! It is a real freedom that we guard with all our heart, soul, and mind because we NEVER want to go back to that old life!!!

God heals deep wounds over time. I hold no bitterness toward the boy. I believe I understand his reasons and fears. I wish I could help him find the faith that works obedience into our hearts and into our lives. That obedience is the grace of Jesus Christ! All my heart desires to see this boy set free from such a deception as homosexuality. There is no worse consequence greater than the emptiness of sin and the curse it brings upon our lives.

The Lord has taught me seven truths in this quest for freedom from sexual sin. These truths set men free and keep men free when each one becomes our quest for knowing God and His Son Jesus Christ, who is Eternal Life.

1. Radical Amputation of all avenues that lead to sin or the appearance of it
Matthew 5: 29, 30

2. Radical Appropriation of the Life and work of Jesus Christ (the exchange of my life, my strength, my resources for Christ’s)
Galatians 2:20, Romans 6

3. Radical Accountability for two who hold together are stronger than one
Ecclesiastes 4: 9 - 12

4. Constant Attachment to Jesus Christ
John 15: 4, 5

5. Passionate Adoration of the One who is worthy of all praise, Jesus
Exodus 2:20; The Book of the Revelation; Psalm

6. Accurate Affirmation of Jesus, Who is my Life
Colossians 1: 27; 2:13, 14; 3: 1 - 4; Philippians 3:9; 2 Corinthians 5: 17

7. Compelling Articulation, for we overcome by the word of our testimony
Revelation 12:11; Psalm 35:27

These seven truths are not a seven-step program, not a police state of white-knuckling experiences, or a one time magic potion but a choice of lifestyle. Overtime the Lord’s Spirit uses these truths to renew the mind, heal damaged emotions, and transform even the affections and passions of our hearts. In this great country we have the freedom to choose to be gay. We also have to freedom to choose not to. For those of us who have inner conflicts between our moral and lifestyle choices, these seven truths offer the means by which God sets captives free and we discover the powerful life of purity.

Restoration

In April of 1999, after being incarcerated one year, the Lord gave me a song I've entitled it "Resurrected Dreams." Its message is restoration. Sin destroys! God restores!! From liar to truth teller, thief to helper, and homosexual to faithful husband, God heals, delivers, and restores. He is in the business of fixing broken people (like me) and making things right. He saves from sin and sets people free! He is the Lord of Resurrection and He can resurrect your dreams!!! He's bigger than my felony convictions. He's bigger than any past. Jesus is Lord of ALL!!!

As a former homosexual offender so many dreams had died and been buried in the grave, a very deep grave of despair. But just as Jesus, the Son of God raised the dead He has now raised to life my greatest hopes. He has restored my sexual sanity and made me a faithful husband of the most awesome woman! My wife Ginger is the grace of God magnified in my life!! He continues to fill my quiver of children and honor me to father. He pours out His favor among men with privilege to help others discover the freedom He has given me. Jesus truly is the Lord of Resurrection!!!
Ginger and I have a home full of beautiful children. God is so good!

Ginger and I have looked forward to and are thrilled at my release from prison and to be rebuilding our lives together and making our family ready for whatever God's sovereign plan includes. We desire to please Him most!! To see our family strong in the Lord, that we might be privileged to lead the lost to saving faith in Jesus Christ and to the transforming power of the living God!!!

Prayerfully,
Ron Browning